They say that all drama begins with human frailty. Meaning, it begins with weakened morals. Our shortcomings. Our weak points that we pray to God we are able to hide so well, that even we ourselves begin to question whether they are really even there. Whether our morals align with our friends, family, co-workers, or spouses…. we all believe that the majority of our beliefs are true to form. The thought is that typically most people try to follow those beliefs that they have laid out for themselves, or had laid out for them during the course of their upbringing.
After the death of my first friend, any normal person would have sworn off of drugs completely. Especially because of how she had died. What had been the reason for her death. Sure, we all knew that drugs could kill people. We heard the same song and dance from our parents growing up. We saw the commercials. We all went to the same forced assembly in middle school and high school, where a special guest would be brought in, or a few volunteers from D.A.R.E. who would stand there and preach to us about why drugs are bad, and the statistics of drug users in America. We would listen to them talk about car crashes due to drugs and alcohol and about people who commit violent crimes when they are loaded, and how Jenny from NYU was a straight A student who made the wrong decision one night at a party. How her wrong decision resulted in her parents having to prepare for a funeral rather then a graduation.
We heard it all. Every single story that every single adult in our life hammered into our heads, so that maybe we wouldn't make the decision they feared that we would make.
Their fears were valid.
I used to believe that anybody who was stupid enough to become addicted to a dangerous drug deserved what they got. I used to tell myself that recreationally using wouldn't lead to anything serious. I used to tell myself I would never use needles. After using a needle for the first time, I used to tell myself that I would only do it on occasion and would never let it have control over me or my actions. I used to tell myself that no drug could ever control my thoughts, my life, my actions... that no drug could completely take the morals I was raised with and throw them out the window. I used to believe that I used because I was just having fun and the whole concept of "people use to escape" was nothing but psychobabble bullshit that doctors, parents, teachers, and the media liked to try and use as a way to brainwash people into conforming to those particular beliefs.
I used to believe that only evil people became addicted to drugs. But my friends weren't evil. They were just barely adults. We all were still so young but as I think back to that night and reminisce on how foolish we were, I know now that everything we believed, everything I believed, at that time of my life, was nothing short of a fairytale.
Its really easy to tell yourself something that you know isn't true. That you know is just you trying to make yourself feel better because, lets face it, you know before anyone else does, the shitty plan you are about to set in motion. The lie you once would have never thought about telling, now isn't that big of a deal. The drug you once would have never thought about doing, now you are only going to do it “once in a while.” The pain you would have never thought about causing to the person you love the most, is now seeming like it shouldn't hurt their feelings too bad. The cascading effect of the insanity of addiction and the lack of morals that lie therein. This is what initiates the domino affect.
This is when we all fall down.